Made it through the flare up

My flare up started Sunday – March 13th – and lasted through the 18th. I went swimming Tuesday-Saturday (twice on most days). I started a new medication – Gabapentin/Neurontin. I spoke to several of my new “Fibro” Friends. They too were having issues last week due to the weather changing. On Sunday, I woke up with the start of the headache ~ and back spasms ~ I headed straight for the hot bath (with lavender) ~ I still woke up today with the normal stiffness but – It’s managable.

I saw a website with Fibro merchandise. The best one was a T-shirt that said “I have Fibro ~ Fibro doesn’t have me”.

Good Day

After having virtually no sleep for 4 days .. I called the Doctor yesterday and asked what else I can take for the pain. I was not wanting to go on prescription pain pills along with everything else I am already taking. I went to swimming before work yesterday, worked, ran my Daughter to her acting class, went to another swimming class, ran to get supper, picked up Daughter (ate in car), volleyball practice – off to pick up the new prescription – wait for volleyball to be over – home to bed.

I SLEPT!!!! – 8 whole hours – wonderful – I don’t know if the new meds were the reason or pure exhaustion.

I am now taking Neurontin (it is a low dose – 100 mg – 3 times a day). Only time will tell. I took a water class today that was meant for Fibromyalgia patients. They were so welcoming – talking about how long they have been diagnosed and attending water classes. I will be going every Friday. They showed me some new excercises to help with the numbness I am still experiencing in my hands. Pain is mild today. I am feeling so much better. I am now logging my symptoms and activities daily on an app for my phone and have joined two groups online. What wonderful opportunities there are now to share and support others in the same condition.

A new perspective

Today the flare up was at its worse. whether it is the change in weather, the high stress at home, the fact I haven’t excercised since saturday, or just because….. No matter the reason I went swimming tonight, took meds and hope to sleep. I was just done with my fourth meltdown today when I talked to a new friend. She could tell my day by my face. She said she was at the pool also for piece of mind. She works at a hospital. This weekend she watched 3 lives end. A 27 year old overdose, a women who left her children orphans because they lost their dad a few months before, and and infant born 6 months early. I thought of their families and mostly the mom who only had her son for 24 hours . I will get another day …good or bad…I get another day. I am going to try to sleep – and tomorrow will be good .. Because I have a tomorrow.

Another sleepless night

Yesterday, to add to the normal sore, stiff body – my hands and face have continued to lose circulation. I had counseling which did not make matters any better. I took my meds at 8 – should have been asleep by 8:30 – after applying more icy hot, turning up the heating pad, and taking an additional ambium – I finally fell asleep about 2:00 p.m. – Today – more of the same – I have to pick up my GS troops at 1:30 today for a bowling field trip – then I will get to go hit the pool again. I am hoping that an hour in the pool and some time in the hot tub will losen things up so I can sleept tonight. It has taken me over a year +, to have the Doctors finally diagnose me, for me to tell family and friends what I have to do to try to stay as active as possible, and for me to start to deal with it. Now, I hear that some of my own Family – doubt that I have it and that it must be just stress. I thought I had moved past the “It’s all in your head” stage. I was finally feeling that my pain- etc was validated and now I feel like I went ten steps backwards. It is a constant struggle to not share the pain/feelings etc so that I do not sound like a whinning baby – I am so grateful to have joined some good chat rooms to help me feel “normal”.

Fibromyalgia Rollercoaster

The past few days have been a rollercoaster. I have been trying to make jokes about the most current developments- the sleeplessness continues but now I have developed the numbness in my.hands and some of my face. I told everyone that apparently my body isnt ok with having only 13 of the 15 main symptoms, so I needed to be an overachiever and have all 15 . I am also popping tylenol like candy which will
damage my liver,-my reply to this is I may as well become an alcoholic. At least then I would enjoy killing my liver. I went swimmin this am, this class is the older group..I am trying some of the stretches hoping to regain the circulation in my hands. Well meds havent kicked in yet,…heating pad is on, icy hot applied-hope to sleep soon-5 am will be here soon.

Fibro Reality

I have been going to a YMCA type facility since early December and I have been taking up to 5 water classes a week. When I am there – the majority of Women are there so they looked good by swimsuit weather – they don’t need to know that I am there so I can walk the next day.
Today, I went to my consultation at a Therapy facility – there Everyone is there so thay can walk. I start a class on Friday that is specifically for Fibromyalgia patients. The pool was amazing (92 degrees) – the instructor very nice. The warmth was wonderful on my extremely sore and in major pain body. I was fine until I started to get dressed. I started to really look around at the facility. I started to cry. I began to see what could possibly be in my future. Everyone around me needed to have assistance in walking or if walking unassisted was noticeably slow and in pain. The locker room had lots of benches and chairs – no one was standing to get dressed/or/undressed. The shower rooms were large enough for wheel chairs, had chairs to sit in and had the long extended shower heads. It was just too much for me to see. I know that what I saw wasn’t a vision in a crystal ball – and that just because other’s have had this fate that it will be mine. It was just too “real” and the “real” part is – Fibro sucks.

Treatment (Emotional & Physical)

I continued to go to Counseling to try to figure out how to deal with the new obstacle in my life. Many of the things I learned I do on a daily basis. I have breathing excercises, tensing and relaxing my body, cold compacts on my forehead when it is racing, stopping when and emotional situation arises and actually think does this emotion warrant the situation. I am trying to balance. Another thing my Counselor said which made me think was “Last Sunday, when I was in Church – I am certain that I was not praying to you”, his point – It was not my job to make everyone else in my life happy, that I myself was not happy and that could not possibly be “there” for others if I can not be there for myself. He also pointed out that just because someone states something does not make it real. He asks.. is it a statement or a fact. Think about it. I started to put myself first (felt guilty at first), I made a point to start going to water gym classes, (now I am addicted) – it is what keeps me walking, keeps my mind settled. I have tried and continue to try various medicines and vitamins. I am currently on Luxipro (works for me), Vit. D, Multi Vitamin, Fish Oil, Calcium, Vit. B, Tylenol (like candy), Nortryptiline & Melatonin (these 2 for sleeping and migranes). I like all other Fibro patients, have pain every day. The more sleep I have the better I feel. The more excercise in the pool I have the better I feel. The pain does not go away. My main trigger points are my hips, my lower back, my gluets, the back of my next and the headaches. I am very sensitive to the cold and to light. I continue to work full time, have a child in the 5th grade that is very very active in activities (of which I participate in most), and am married (we are currently in counseling – again). Yesterday, I had a good day and did more than normal. I went to a water zumba class, a water gym class – and then went horseback riding in the afternoon. I was sure I was doing too much. Yes – this a.m. was hard to get up, move, and I am sore – but it isn’t a flare up. It is my normal Sunday. I don’t know why Sunday’s are the toughest a.m.’s for me. I am spending a lot of time online – joining some discussion boards – listening to other’s who are in similar situations. I continue to write.. I can’t seem to create poems when I am medicated and balanced – maybe that will come back some day.

A year of tests.

The year of 2010 – consisted of what most Fibro patients will tell you. Tests, Tests, Tests (and the occasional it is all in your head). I finally decided to go to a Doctor that had no idea about my previous health history. I wanted a fresh perspective and luckily that is what I got. This very young Doctor was signing me up to rule out everything that she could – I am grateful for that. Finally, in the beginning of December – the diagnosis was made that I had Fibromyalgia. At least now – I could research – find some information, what could I do to help make this better? I had already been seeing a Counselor to work on the emotional problems I was having and some marital issues. But at least now all of these symptoms made sense to me. This is why I had all of the following: Headaches, Exhaustion, Insomnia, Chronic muscle pain, Stiffness, Fevers, Emotional rollercoasters, Anxious and Depressed, Jaw tenderness, Difficulty remembering, concentrating (Fibro Fog), Increase in urinary urgency, and feeling of swelling (without actual swelling). I didn’t really deal with it on an emotional level. I dealt with it completely on a cognitive level. Ok.. my approach was now I have this now research it to death. Learn everything. Talk to everyone who has had it or knows someone who does. It was several weeks later at work when it finally hit me – this sucks – this is what I am going to have to struggle with on a daily basis for the rest of my life. I went to call my Parent’s (I have never used speed dial for their number)- the number was gone. Now, I know that everyone forgets things… but it hit me .. I couldn’t remember their number. I freaked out. The crying was unstoppable. It was the third thing that week that I could not recall. Something that I had memorized. It has been pointed out to my by my Counselor that had I been thinking – I could have looked it up by speed dial on my phone. But I wasn’t thinking – I was emotionally a mess and I went home for the day crying. My 10 year old – asked me “Do you have the kind of memory when people forget who their kids are?” That was too much – It was time to figure out how to use both emotional and cognitive thinking in a joint rational way… Oh this should be easy.

The story begins.

So the story should start at the beginning.. but it would be too much to tell. A good place tho is to say that like most “Women/”Mom’s”.. I have spent my life taking care of others. I started at the age of 5 taking care of my Sister and have never stopped taking care of others, doing what they wanted to not cause waves, etc. I stress easily – more like anxiety than anything. November – 2009 – my estranged Mother-In-Law passed away leaving us an experience that I do not wish on anyone. Stress, Physical strain and no sleep – aggravated my already sensitive body. Well, I can tell the spelling is shot – as is my brain.. bedtime.. more tomorrow. (originally posted 03/11/2011)

Hello World

Posted on March 15, 2011 by swansonmjs

Why blog? I have so many thoughts going through my head and I love to write. So here is my chance to say what is on my mind, how I feel, how I am dealing or not dealing with life, my experiences with fibromyalgia and the rollercoaster it has become …. I hope to start enjoying the ride. (originally posted 03/09/2011)